RECORDS AND PAIN

MY MEDICAL RECORDS CAME IN! IT WAS LIKE OPENING A TREASURE. I WAS IN SUCH A FOG 11 YEARS AGO, I COULDN'T REMEMBER A LOT OF WHAT THE DR.'S TOLD ME ABOUT WHAT CONDITION I HAD. DR. SOBIESK TOLD ME SOME THINGS THAT HE THOUGHT THAT IT COULD'VE BEEN. SO THAT'S WHAT I REPORTED IN MY LAST POST. HOWEVER, WHAT DR. SOBIESK FOUND OUT WAS MUCH DIFFERENT THAN WHAT HE THOUGHT.

I EMAILED HIM AND TOLD HIM THAT I HAD A FIRST BRANCHIAL CLEFT CYST. HIS RESPONSE WAS INTERESTING.

THIS REPLY WAS... WELL I REALLY HAVE NO WORDS FOR HOW THIS RESPONSE MADE ME FEEL.

LET ME EXPLAIN A BIT ABOUT THIS CONDITION. ACTUALLY I'LL DO IT THIS WAY.

http://www.healthline.com/health/branchial-cleft-cyst#Overview1

THE LINK ABOVE IS A PRETTY GOOD EXPLANATION. THE FIRST BCC (BRANCHIAL CLEFT CYST) IS THE MOST RARE AMONG BCC. THERE ARE A SET OF BRANCHIAL CLEFTS THAT DEVELOP WHILE IN THE WOMB. BETWEEN WEEKS 5 AND 7. BCC ARE FORMED WHEN THERE IS A BIRTH DEFECT WHERE THE CLEFTS DO NOT FUSE TOGETHER CORRECTLY. CYSTS FORM IN THOSE EMPTY SPACES. THE BCC I HAD AND AM PRAYING I DO NOT HAVE AGAIN IS LOCATED DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO OR INTERTWINED WITH THE FACIAL NERVE. MINE WAS SEVERED IN AN ATTEMPT TO REMOVE THE BCC. RECURRENCE OF THIS THESE CYSTS ARE RARE. BUT THESE CYSTS ARE ALSO EXTREMELY RARE. SO WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THAT!?

IT HAS EFFECTED ME MUCH WORSE PSYCHOLOGICALLY THAN IT HAS PHYSICALLY. IT HAS ALSO EFFECTED ME IN SOME WAYS THAT ARE HARD FOR ME TO EXPLAIN. SOMETIMES I WONDER WHO I WOULD BE TODAY IF THIS HAD NOT HAPPENED TO ME. I PRAY EVERY MINUTE OF THESE DAYS THAT I AM HAVING PAIN THAT IT HAS NOT COME BACK. GOD IS TEACHING ME. THAT IS ONE THING THAT I AM SURE OF. HE IS MOLDING ME. I STARTED HAVING PAIN THE LAST FEW DAYS OF SEPTEMBER. NOW IT'S NOV. 9 AND I'M STILL HAVING PAIN. SOME DAYS ARE WORSE THAN OTHERS BUT IT'S ALWAYS THERE. IT'S HARD LIVING WITH PHYSICAL PAIN. IT REALLY IS. IT DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. IT TAKES YOUR ENERGY AWAY. IT TAKES YOUR FOCUS AWAY. IN THESE DAYS IT GIVES ME SOME COMFORT TO DO RESEARCH ABOUT THIS CONDITION. I'M SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS REALLY. BUT THIS CONDITION IS SO RARE THAT IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD IT.

LEAVE IT TO ME TO HAVE SOMETHING SO RARE. MAMA ALWAYS SAID THAT I WAS VERY DIFFERENT. I CAN DEFINITELY AGREE WITH THAT!

THROUGH MY PHYSICAL PAIN, I AM TRYING RELENTLESSLY TO STAY PRESENT IN MY MARRIAGE AND AS A MOTHER. I TRY TO FOCUS MY ENERGY TO THOSE THINGS. ONE THING THAT I HATED ABOUT BEING IN SURGERY AND HAVING INFECTED CYST EVERY 2 TO 3 YEARS WAS THE TIME I LOST. I REFUSE TO LOSE TIME WITH THE LOVES OF MY LIFE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS. I'M TIRED OF IT. EXHAUSTED OF IT ACTUALLY.